New Year and New Possibilities - Who Cares about Business Card Titles?

A new year has just begun, and optimism and possibilities are in the air. How wonderful it feels to close the books on the year that has passed, to leave what was behind and open up to what feels like a clean slate. Demanding New Year’s resolutions that rarely survive the first few months - those I have stopped making. What feels far more important is to tune into what I want to happen - what changes I want to see in my life, who I want to be, how I want to feel and how I can serve. So my vision for the year, in short, is that I want to invite and manifest better health, more financial resources, travels and deeper connections. I want to feel more inner peace, trust, life force, love, lightness, joy and self-realisation. To be more devoted, compassionate, appreciative and loving. Without lists to be ticked off, demands for performance, or guilt over what doesn’t get done. I have had more than enough of that in my “former” life!

When I signed the agreement that meant transferring my business to my successor, I simultaneously made a physical manifestation of my new life. I took a business card and crossed out all my titles in red, replacing them with “Life Designer & Free Soul”. And I felt it in my entire body - the company and my titles on that business card was now a closed chapter in my life. And during the eight years that have passed, I have never once returned to my old profession. It felt completely impossible - the resistance was far too strong.

My first years in Bali marked a transition from a familiar and well-known life to something new and unknown. I was extremely tired and burnt out, and all I wanted was to rest, recover and allow myself to be filled by life here and now. I absolutely did not want to work anymore - I was even allergic for a long time to the very word “business”, which triggered stress in my body. So I politely but firmly declined further inquiries about consulting work within my former field - even though they would have paid well. A few flattering offers from friends here also appeared - but those too, I could easily resist.

Despite my aversion to work, my former professional identity still felt important. Work, achievement and the pursuit of success had been such a big part of my life. My ego wanted to show off my past track record and feel a little proud and special, the way I used to when people back home asked the obligatory opening question: “So, what’s your job?” But it never got the chance - no one here seemed the least bit interested in my past or my former career!

When you casually meet Balinese people, such as those working in restaurants and spas, they like to ask questions. Some common ones are: “Where you come from?” “How long you be in Bali?” “You have family here?” “You married?” And when I answer no, no to the last ones - “Oooohhhhhh…” - with a tone that can be interpreted as “poor you”, since they find it hard to understand that one can choose a different lifestyle. These questions may come across as curious or intrusive to Westerners, but it is their way of being polite and showing interest, and of practicing English. But I don’t think a Balinese person has ever asked me what I did for a living back in my home country.

An equally generalised picture of typical opening questions from the conscious and spiritual expat community, who live more in the here and now, might be: “What brought you to Bali?” “What’s alive in you now?” and “What’s on your horizon?” And possibly: “What are you doing here?” But rarely, if ever, does anyone ask about background, life history, profession, previous career, marital status, or the like. It felt very frustrating at first… but at the same time incredibly liberating.

Who am I without my old life? Without my job, my home, family, friends, former life and lifestyle? While it was a kind of identity crisis, filled with confusion and frustration that no one cared at all, it was also an opportunity to build something entirely new. To go deeper within myself and discover a transformed identity that felt more fulfilling and self-realising. To uncover qualities, talents and interests that had been deeply hidden and suppressed for much of my life. Such as my sense for beauty and creation through flowers, which became my Mandala Queen identity - something that truly honoured my soul.

I have reflected quite a bit on the choices I have made that have led me to where I am today. Winding paths with a number of dead ends - sometimes conscious choices, sometimes unconscious ones or no choice at all, which is also a choice. How these choices have shaped me and contributed to the person I am today. Constant choices between different possibilities, and thus endless shifts of timelines, leading us to who we are and the situation we are living in right now. It can certainly be interesting to speculate about how life might have looked if certain choices had been different… but I feel complete trust that my life has unfolded exactly as it was meant to. And that there is synergy and unconscious awareness behind all life choices.

What did you want to be when you grew up? As a teenager, I wanted to become a journalist, psychologist or an advertising executive. And what did I first become: a pharmacist! It was truly not my dream profession, but various circumstances and a quick decision led me down that path. And it felt completely wrong already during my education and my first professional years. It wasn’t me - neither science nor meticulous precision - but that professional platform still gave me a niche for my future path, with a focus on education, communication and marketing within the health care field.

And the “journalist” in me has always loved to write - and over the years I have edited a dozen books, written countless advertising texts and press releases, private speeches and songs. I have always been interested in the human psyche, the inner world and personal development, and have often acted as an “everyday psychologist” for my friends. When my company and I faced tough challenges, I trained further in coaching and energy healing. Even though I didn’t change profession, I chose to continue running my communications agency for a total of 23 years, these new skills still added values to my work. And in hindsight, it still feels as though my career circle has closed in a predetermined way.

As a very young child, I wanted to be a mother, a princess, and an artist. I did not have children of my own in this lifetime, but I still feel deeply enriched by being an aunt, great-aunt, godmother and bonus mother. I have also been “adopted” as a Bali Mama and godmother by some wonderful beings of younger generations, to offer a sense of safety in their lives - and I am actually sometimes called “Mama”! Even my early princess dream came true in some way when I became a “Mandala Queen”. And the limiting beliefs that I lacked sufficient creative and artistic talent were challenged and dissolved when I began creating flower mandalas and eventually dared to call my work art.

When we begin to examine our potential to realise our dreams and visions, it is not surprising that hidden knowledge and resources step forward and make themselves known. Nothing we have done in life is ever wasted or unnecessary. Everything is knowledge and experience that, in different combinations and disguises, has shaped us into who we are and helps us take steps toward new self-realisations we never believed possible. This is at least my experience and deep conviction. And now when writing this post I even got the opportunity to reawaken my long-neglected professional identity that had been suppressed for many years - and my ego says thank you! :-)

What are your most important identities?

What does your professional identity mean to you?

How can you gather and use the knowledge and experiences you have acquired throughout life in new, desired ways?

How do you want the new year to embrace you? What do you want to do - who do you want to be?

With Hope,

Agneta