Who Do You Think You Are? Defying “The Law of Jante”

Agneta Jonsson
Mar 16
7 min read

I was born and raised in Sweden, in the cold and rugged Nordic North. Perhaps it is the challenging climate - winter and cold - and the many hardships our ancestors endured that have shaped the Swedish and Nordic collective soul for generations. An inner voice, a feeling, a conviction that tells us: life is hard, we are here to suffer and endure, one for all - all for one. Who are you to believe that you are someone special? So do not dare to believe that you can rise, transform yourself and influence the world – that your presence, your talents and your contributions truly matters. And heaven forbid that you would dare to highlight yourself and “brag” about it.

This invisible social code is known as “Jantelagen” (The Law of Jante). It was formulated almost hundred years ago in the novel “A Fugitive Crosses His Tracks” by the Danish-Norwegian author Aksel Sandemose, yet it has shaped the Nordic collective mind for generations. In subtle and often unconscious ways we judge, suppress and quietly “punish” those who dare to stand out. Those flowers bold enough to grow taller than the others in the flower bed are gently, or sometimes firmly, pushed back down.

Rarely is this spoken about openly. It is more like an invisible veil or a damp blanket of silent expectations about what is considered “appropriate”. And for those who feel outside that narrow definition, it can create a strong sense of exclusion. It quietly locks away thoughts, feelings and expressions that do not fit the accepted “norm”. I can truly say most of my Swedish compatriots are deeply familar with this phenomenon. But I am also quite certain that most cultures in the world can recognize something similar. In many places the consequences for those who dare to think, feel and live differently can be far more severe than in the relatively peaceful corner of the world where is my origin. Yet there is still something deeply unsettling about allowing unwritten social codes to limit who we are, what we dream of and the highest potential we carry within us.

In Sweden we also have a word that, as far as I know, does not truly exist in other languages: “lagom.” It roughly means “just the right amount” - not too much, not too little. We sometimes jokingly call Sweden “the “land of middle milk” - where most people choose milk with a moderate fat content - not too rich, not too light. Interestingly enough, many Swedes literally prefer driving in the middle lane on the highway - not too fast, not too slow. In many ways this reflects a broader cultural mindset: Stay in the safe middle and do not stand out too much.

Of course, there is something beautiful and healthy in balance and moderation, as long as it comes from a genuine inner voice rather than pressure from the surrounding world. But this is a heavy programming we have lived with for generations. And it takes courage and integrity to break free from it - especially since we are generally so eager to fit in and so dependent on what others think of us.

For the past few years I have had the privilege of living in Bali. It has been incredibly enriching experience to connect with people from all over the world. People with very different backgrounds, cultures, religions and life stories. Many who choose to settle here share a similar motivation: a desire to step outside old patterns and identities formed in their home countries. A willingness to explore personal growth and embrace themselves more fully - with all their qualities, imperfections and complexities. Compared to the environment I grew up in, the lifestyle here often feels more open, more curious and more accepting. It creates space to explore new possibilities, to evolve, and to take steps that once felt unimaginable.

For me personally, this change of life has been deeply transformative. It helped me realize that I - like every human being - carry unique gifts that deserve to be expressed. One example is my work with floral creations - mandalas of flowers that reflect both my creativity and a deep sense of beauty. Over time I have learned to embrace this part of myself without embarrassment or self-diminishment. To allow myself, quite simply, to become and embody a “Mandala Queen.”

Our self-image often becomes a self-fulfilling story. And unfortunately, it is often reinforced by the expectations and reactions of others. As a child I was shy, cautious and extremely sensitive. In order to cope with reality and avoid being exposed or bullied, I built a protective shell and wore a mask that was not truly me. During my teenage years I became instead rebellious, tough and challenging. It was my attempt to completely change the image I had of myself. Over time I found a “lagom” position” - partly self-realized, yet still careful not to stand out too much. However some of my friends who were naturally more expressive, bold or unique in their personalities felt pressured to tone themselves down or risk being seen as “too much” by a harsh and judgmental environment.

Neither path truly builds a strong sense of self-worth. It does not matter how many positive comments we receive - the few negative ones often root themselves far deeper inside us. “Jante” sits on our shoulder telling that we are never quite good enough. That we do not deserve to enjoy our success or feel proud of who we are and what we accomplish. A gnawing anxiety that we do not deserve a good life or happiness until “this or that” has happened. The feeling that everything we achieve is just luck or coincidence, and that we are somehow not worthy of it.

This can easily lead to the painful feeling of being an impostor. During my professional career I often carried that feeling with me. Despite achievements and recognition, part of me believed that I was not truly competent enough and that one day I would be “found out.” So I worked harder and pushed myself to perform at the highest level and rarely felt satisfied with what I delivered. But this constant striving comes at a cost. Maintaining that mask requires enormous energy. Eventually my body and my entire system said stop - and burnout became my unavoidable reality.

So how can we free ourselves from the grip of the Law of Jante? It rarely happens overnight, but the first step is always awareness. The courage to look honestly at ourselves and acknowledge how we have enslaved ourselves by bending to pressure and expectations from others, inherited behaviors, family patterns and generations of conditioning. What is my self-image right now? Is it actually true? Is it objective? Who says so and who decided it in the first place?

From there we can begin to gently challenge it. Can I view myself through a more compassionate lens? What do I genuinely appreciate about myself? What are my talents? What are my gifts? What makes me proud?

Then perhaps we take the next step - even a small one. How can I strengthen myself against inner and outer doubt and negativity? How can I become a more independent and sovereign human being who walks my own path and takes responsibility for it?

Today my world and my sense of self looks very different from when I was young, from when I stood at the peak of my career, and even from how life looked ten years ago. The journey has not been easy - but it has been worth everything. One major turning point came when I made a bold decision: to leave the familiar security of my former life - my job, my house, family and friends - and move to the other side of the world. I grew immensely from daring to do something that very few women my age would even consider. I reached a point where what others thought, warned me about or disapproved of could no longer shake me. And I am incredibly proud of myself - of my courage, my integrity, and my ability to prioritize myself fully and wholeheartedly. So yes…F**k you, Jante - I am who I am, and I no longer apologize for it.

Breaking negative patterns, prioritizing yourself and even allowing yourself to celebrate your gifts is not selfish. In my view it is one of our most important life tasks: learning how to create genuine happiness within ourselves rather than expecting others to do it for us. Each person has themselves to care for first - and that is perfectly in order. And when we free ourselves from limiting beliefs and patterns, we also create space for others to do the same. Perhaps not immediately, but over time - and even across generations. Because in the energetic web of life, change in one place often ripples much further than we imagine.

So finally, here are a few guiding principles of the “Reversed Law of Jante”: an invitation to see, accept and embrace what makes you unique and valuable just as you are:

• You shall believe that you are someone - and dare to take your place.

• You are just as good, wise and valuable as anyone else.

• You are enough exactly as you are - and you should love yourself.

• You have every right to be proud of what you know and your unique competence.

• You should dare to be yourself and embrace life.