Je m’appelle Agneta - It’s Never Too Late!

My name was popular in Sweden in the 1950s and 60s, and over the past five decades, not many parents may have named their children Agneta. Through ABBA’s worldwide fame, the name became known internationally, and this year, the Swedish movie “Je m’appelle Agneta” (My name is Agneta) has also gained international attention and is available on Netflix. It is a thoughtful and inspiring feel-good movie, well worth watching.

The film’s Agneta is a colourless, 50-year-old woman living a dull life in a Stockholm suburb. She has a monotonous, soul-destroying job and lives in a routine-driven marriage with a health-obsessed husband who won’t allow unhealthy food in the fridge. The children have flown the nest and seem mostly interested in getting in touch when they need money. Agneta secretly indulges in cheese and wine and dreams of France. But one day, she responds to an advertisement for an au pair job in a French village and, to everyone’s surprise, scepticism and ridicule, she sets off. The little boy, who turns out to be an elderly, gay man with dementia, shows her what it means to find herself, follow her own inner compass, come alive and embrace life. In the final scene, she chooses to stay in the French village and dances through the lavender fields in her new lavender-coloured underwear.

Agneta realises that it is never too late to live the life she truly wants. And I can see clear parallels with my own life, even though I don’t have much in common with the main character. I was neither unhappily married, bored nor “invisible”. But I too, made a courageous decision and dared to change my life radically. At an age when many might have hesitated out of fear or a desire for comfort and security. But it truly is never too late for change!

I recently reached a milestone birthday: an almost unimaginable 70 years old. Of course, I had moments of unease as the birthday approached, even though it was just another number and I feel quite outrageously healthy, young and full of joy for life. Still, I decided that my birthday was worth celebrating and invited my friends to join a programme I had put together entirely according to how I wanted to celebrate the day, even if I had ended up celebrating it on my own. And so many came to honour me with their presence, their loving words and their gifts. I still feel deeply grateful for that day, uplifted and strengthened in my conviction that we are all special and unique. And that every added year and every wrinkle makes us even more complete.

Bali is a place where people from all over the world meet, and many share cultural traditions passed down through generations. This creates a rich variety of ceremonies and rituals, and many people are open to experiencing new things. An ancient tradition found in many older cultures is to acknowledge and celebrate the transition into new phases of life through what are known as rites of passage. My friends held a rite of passage for me when I turned 65, celebrating and initiating me as a “Wise Woman”. It became another unforgettable memory for life. One that also helped me accept and honour my age and carry it with dignity.

In the Western world, there are so many prejudices surrounding ageing, particularly when it comes to women. There are deeply ingrained beliefs that we become less valuable when we can no longer bear children, and that our bodies as they age and change become less attractive. Yet among Indigenous peoples, in older cultures and in matriarchal societies, ageing is celebrated instead, along with all the wisdom and experience it brings. Wise women, or “elders”, hold a special status.

Somehow, my parents’ generation seemed to grow old earlier in life. They say that today’s 70-year-olds are the equivalent of the 50-year-olds of the past. And yet, there are still so many preconceived ideas about how we should behave and look once we reach a certain age. It’s not that we need to wear a hat and coat and become a “little old lady” ... but surely we shouldn’t dress the way we did when we were young? And should we really keep colouring our hair and chasing those grey strands? Surely, we should settle into where we are in life and stop chasing change, because isn’t it almost too late for that

anyway? Worry more about declining health, old age and death? Convince ourselves that we are content and happy and don’t need anything more from life?

I certainly feel that a lot has changed in me, not least over the past ten years. The lines on my skin are becoming more numerous and deeper, hormones and metabolism are slowing down, the kilos are adding up, gravity is making itself felt - my body is changing in different ways. I can no longer keep going around the clock and expose myself to painful stress, and my energy comes in peaks and valleys. Travelling and adjusting to different time zones take more out of me than they used to. I can still immerse myself completely in something, body and soul, but only for periods at a time, and it always requires a long aftermath of complete rest and recovery. But slowing down certainly doesn’t mean conforming to “norms” or giving up. It simply means accepting our limitations without giving up our possibilities, wishes and dreams!

The older I get, the better I feel within myself. I feel that I can lean back and rest in the knowledge of my own development and the experiences and insights I have gained, both about myself and about life in general. A sense of self-worth, that may of course waver from time to time, and a deep acceptance of who I am and what matters to me in life. These insights can change, and rightly so. We can always change direction in our opinions, values and actions. What felt right in the past does not necessarily have to remain right for the rest of our lives. That is called growth and adaptation.

Treating ourselves with dignity and love is not always easy. But to me, it feels as though the downsides of ageing are balanced by the benefits of resting securely in, and embracing, myself and my wisdom. And not least by protecting my integrity and right to discern what serves me and not. By recognising that I, like everyone else, am the creator of my own life and have every right to decide who I want to be, how I want to look, what I think and believe, how I act and how I wish to live this life on Earth. Who can claim to know better than I do myself?

And who knows better than you how to “be You”? Who you want to be and how to live your life? Yet it can take both courage and strength to dare to stand apart from those who mostly follow the crowd and do what everyone else does, and not least to say no to what doesn’t feel right or good.

So, while approaching the need for a slower pace, greater stability and rest, and acceptance of my body’s limitations with all due humility, I will continue to live my life day by day and follow where “flow” leads me. To see myself as a beautiful woman who allows herself to continue embracing life, curiosity, beauty, adventure, sensuality and desire. To keep my long hair and colour it for as long as it feels right. To ride my scooter back and forth across the island, travel and experience new adventures and try new things. To remain open to new friendships and love relationships, and live here and now without a concrete plan for old age. To be selective and say no to what no longer serves me. And not to take myself too seriously. To give myself the freedom to try things, then accept and laugh at my “mistakes” and simply move on.

In short, to live life on my own terms and feel the greatest possible gratitude. Je m’appelle Agneta - and it’s never too late!

How do you feel about ageing, with all its limitations and possibilities?

Is there something you would like to change in your life but find it difficult to break free and take that step?

How dependent are you on “norms”, conventions and what other people do and think?

How do you perceive your self-esteem, your integrity and your ability to say no?

How could your life become better as the years go by?

With honour, Agneta